The Girl Who Waited |

Allow me to get uncomfortably personal for a moment.

My husband travels a lot for work, sometimes for extended periods. And I am, by now, well acquainted with these times living as a “single” wife. Most days roll off me, one after the other, keeping things business as usual. Some days take much more effort (and sometimes a few tears and glasses of wine). But any inquiries about my husband’s absence I meet with an offhanded dismissal. I dare not appear weak before others; I dare not let them see my loneliness.

When I watch Star Wars: Episode VII The Force Awakens, I see a kindred soul in Rey. Dear Rey, waiting for her family, working, struggling to get by, alone. And it is an all too real reflection of my life at times – and of the lives of many who are separated from their families by various circumstances like military deployment, war, natural disasters, and even death. It is all too real a representation of living a life apart from those closest to us.

Rey determinedly clings to the belief that her family will eventually come to reclaim her. Some may see her willful belief in this (apparently false) notion as misguided or ignorant. However, the fact is that this kind of single-minded belief is often required of ones such as us to simply continue existing. We must believe that our loved ones will return to us, because the alternative is far too destructive. We can’t afford to dwell on or believe we’ve been abandoned, to dwell on or believe that we will never see our loved ones again, or even simply dwell on our loneliness. To do any of these is to allow ourselves to be crushed by despair – perhaps not permanently, but certainly at least for a time.

I love Rey’s strength. She is fierce, smart, and capable. Her unwavering spirit makes her my hero and inspiration. At the start of the film, we see her day after day, working hard to continue surviving but never losing her sense of self in the drudgery. She remains true to herself and her principles, and in doing so finds new opportunities and an unexpected journey. And I think we could benefit from her example. Those of us who wait, who have been abandoned, or who have lost those close to us, let’s be like Rey. Let’s focus on something other than our aloneness. Like Rey, let’s do something good, profound, constructive, and exciting with our time. Rey may be fictional, but she is based in our reality. So let’s once again push aside those cloying feelings of loneliness, sorrow, and despair, and allow ourselves to awaken to something new.